Typically by the time we ring in the new year, we have compiled a list of things that we want to start doing as soon as the last bit of confetti hits the ground on New Years Eve. Often this list includes things like going back to the gym, starting a class to learn a new skill, beginning a new eating plan, etc. If all of the to-dos are beginning to weigh on you a bit, here are some things to consider taking off of your plate this year, once and for all.
#1. Being available to others constantly, or striving to be all things to all people.
When we try to carve out time for ourselves to go after a goal, people get offended and see us as "uppity." This is especially true for women. It’s ok to not be available to all of the people in your life 24/7.
Not just for the sake of our goals, but also for the sake of our spiritual lives. I once heard a pastor say, “If you want to go far with God, at some point you’re going to have to walk alone for a while.”
It’s ok to move to a new place and take a while to find your people there. It’s ok if maybe you even don’t find them there; perhaps that place has other gifts in store for you instead. A friend in ministry who moves often once told me that she was struggling to find friends in her new area, and she shrugged and casually said, “Maybe this is the season of life where I won’t have friends.” I admired her big-picture mindset. With social media, FaceTime etc., being without friends in your current setting never means being cut off from all friends anyway. Don't miss out on a new opportunity for fear of not finding community there. (And I bet that you will find it!)
#3. Wanting to constantly fit in with our surroundings.
Learning to be comfortable with NOT fitting in builds resiliency, sense of self and boldness. There are many places in life where it is best to not fit in—like a toxic workplace or toxic family relationships.
If you strive to speak up and are noncompliant within the types of toxic systems mentioned in #3, you aren’t going to be liked by everyone.
#5. Being continually connected with family, even when family is detrimental to our mental health.
Many people have escaped abusive unhealthy family situations, only to be shamed by those around them for not going home for Christmas each year. ("What do you mean, you don't see your family!?")
We need to normalize that in many cases it is far better to have a quiet secluded holiday than to spend the day being mistreated.
A friend asked me this Christmas, "How have I failed at life so badly, to be alone at Christmas?" In fact, she had just taken a bold, admirable and courageous leap to step back from her emotionally and verbally abusive family, which was not a fail.
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